Sometimes days pass where many things happen, many thoughts and emotions occur and you can’t just categorize them into anything specific.
I will write what now flows out of me about these last few days.
What I remember is, my being vegan and the concern of buying and storing an adequate amount of fruits, nuts and some vegs in an adequate way. This got a lot of my attention. Then, I was attached to the idea of eating these foods before they go bad, in the earthen pots wrapped by wet towels. This thought led me to eat a lot of fruits, nuts, almonds, peanuts, beans not purely listening to my body’s intelligence but also this idea of I must get enough nourishment. I even drank a 500 ml quality milk for two days in a row, breaking strict veganism, although this is not a rule I am imposing on myself strictly.
So, will I judge my experience? No. Except for stating that I am passing through a learning experience and that I want to keep focusing on my heart.
Mother and father were here today. I was guarded against their intrusion, idea injection and subconscious desire to control my experience at times, and at times I was at the heart space. So, it was a mixed experience. They will also be coming here occasionally to a house they rented to prepare themselves to perhaps live in this small town (Lapseki) for their retirement.
I was also occupied with the concern of not wanting to harm plants on the ground for the sake of moving my temporary lodging tent and clearing space for my hut. I tried to dig to move 1 small green plant but its roots were going deep so I cancelled relocating it. I sat down and despaired a bit with the thought: How would I even farm or grow anything? I would inevitably harm beings in the process. I thought perhaps I should give myself fully to meditation and not to these worldly things?
I also reflected about the 27 so pages I read from Yogananda’s autobiography book. Was the book really useful to me to read the rest of it? He is mentioning many miracles that the saints are performing, his reflections and the ideas of people he met here and there. Well.. I might go on sometime later. It is not his book that would enlighten me. It is my effort with meditation. Focus on God and Desire God. That I know. So, I must go on that path. Maybe I will continue to read the book if my heart so desires.
I might sometime transcribe my session with Lincoln Gergar here. It was my questions and the answers by the Higher Self. These questions are extremely important from my perpective. I must reflect on the answers really well and act upon them continuously.
Thoughts about returning to some of my old habits such as playing computer games come occasionally. Again, I must return my focus on my heart. I feels good to center and recenter again and again on the heart. It keeps you in a peaceful state from where you can be at your local best.
Enough for today. (Osho styla :P)