Today I hurt the little dog that I had adopted. It kept biting me and when I am hurt I get angry. I tried to stop it by putting it a little distance away, telling it to stop, yelling in pain. But it came and bit me to play again and again. I got angrier and took it and hurled it about half a meter horizontally, not meant to hurt it but to just push it away. One of its legs was hurt when it landed and it cried in pain for about 10 seconds. I had done something like this once more to my kitten, and unintentionally hurt it when I hurled it on the bed, thinking it would land on all fours. So this makes it the second time. I seem to have the conditioning to get angry when I am repeatedly hurt physically. And then to act in anger and push away or inflict slight pain to whatever is hurting me. These experiences made me aware of such conditioning and I intend to release it.
I trust that God is teaching me through these experiences. Afterwards I hurt the puppy, and even while I was getting angry while it was hurting me, I was trying to stay in meditation. After I hurt it, I wanted to heal it. It was limping and I asked God to heal it through me. I put my hand on its hind legs meditating on the Spiritual Heart, and also scanned its hurt leg with my thumb and index finger. I also asked God to heal me of this pattern of getting angry when hurt and acting out of anger. The puppy was walking without limp after it slept for half an hour, after the incident.
There was another dog half an hour walk away, nearer to the town I live near. It’s hind leg was broken and I was intending to get him to a vet in the 35km away bigger city Canakkale. I did it today. The vet said it would be better to leave the broken leg and hip as it was, it seemed already 3 weeks old. So the dog will probably be limp for the rest of its life. I brought it to my camp with the intention to look after it.
My ego wants to come back, and this is in my awareness. I also drank almost 500 ml milk again today. My energy was not anywhere near some days ago where I experienced great energy.
So, why the loss of energy?
The reasons could be one or all of the following:
Drank milk many times, ate too many fruits/nuts in a mixed and continuous fashion, did not meditate deeply and lost focus more than the previous days, did not take care to follow Higher Self guidance as much as previous days.
I would love to see the Yogananda movie.